I met my partner when I travelled to Australia. The first time, he rejected me from visiting his place because he thought I was too young to be his student. However, my persistence in wanting to learn touched his heart.
He is an intelligent, thoughtful, funny, and wise man—and there are many more that I couldn't count on…
The first time I met him, my heart was totally broken into pieces; I carried the pains from my past and travelled with grief.
Today is the eighth year we have been together. The untold things are the arguments and dramas I created along the way. I didn't know how to interact with him appropriately as a partner or even act like a healthy person. I got jealous and angry so quickly for strange reasons.
You couldn't believe how much he put up with me during those years, my unpredictable rage at any moment. However, my partner's emotions are always stable; my drama does not easily influence him.
He also constantly gives his love without regrets. Instead, I was the one who loved the drama and looked for chances to start an argument.
Until recently, I noticed that I no longer get angry for no reason. That was the moment I realized I had been healed from my past by his love, patience, kindness, and wisdom. Those years, soaking in a secure environment and constant love, taught me unconsciously that I am worthy of love.
Now, I can finally laugh genuinely and chat with people like I am at my most authentic self without feeling restricted and uneasy.
I didn't know I had an unhealthy mindset until I got out of it.
I am writing this article to make a point. Our childhood can affect us so much as adults. If we are lucky enough, we get to heal up at some point in life. If not, we may carry the anger and grief without knowing most of our lives.
Why?
I recently spent some time with one of my close friends. She grew up in a similar family environment to mine, but probably worse. I am a very close friend who listens to her, and I can understand how she felt many times she shared her stories. Due to the distance, we became good friends over the phone.
Until I spent the whole day with her in person and saw "my old self" in her behaviours, she reacted to things with anger and withdrew her love from friends due to the boundaries. Not only to me but to many people around her, that anger kept coming up to her.
At the same time, she suppressed her emotions, but I could feel the air was filled with unspoken anger.
That was me.
If we experience enough love and know we are worthy of love, we won't be shaken easily by a simple act of boundary or even a simple mistake.
It is usual for human interactions to have a boundary. It is okay for people to draw a line and invite you or not to different personal spaces. We test the water and learn from it, but that doesn't mean our dear friends do not love us.
Boundary is not a rejection. We do not need to turn against our dear friends due to the boundaries and try to judge or pick on our friends due to the hurt we feel or create unnecessary rumours among them.
The boundary is not because we are not good enough or not loved; it is simply that our friends may need more time to cultivate a relationship with us to trust and reveal themselves.
Remember, we are all human. We all have sensitive spaces, and specific subjects can't be touched easily. Therefore, we always need to allow people to breathe.
By saying that, I still care and love my friend, and I would be her company if she needs me.
I want to contribute this article to my partner. He is my angel. If you are on the way to healing, I hope you meet someone who treats you with love and patience. If not, I hope my articles and love will heal you along the way.
Picture: Family picture with my partner and stepfather in Taiwan.
He is an intelligent, thoughtful, funny, and wise man—and there are many more that I couldn't count on…
The first time I met him, my heart was totally broken into pieces; I carried the pains from my past and travelled with grief.
Today is the eighth year we have been together. The untold things are the arguments and dramas I created along the way. I didn't know how to interact with him appropriately as a partner or even act like a healthy person. I got jealous and angry so quickly for strange reasons.
You couldn't believe how much he put up with me during those years, my unpredictable rage at any moment. However, my partner's emotions are always stable; my drama does not easily influence him.
He also constantly gives his love without regrets. Instead, I was the one who loved the drama and looked for chances to start an argument.
Until recently, I noticed that I no longer get angry for no reason. That was the moment I realized I had been healed from my past by his love, patience, kindness, and wisdom. Those years, soaking in a secure environment and constant love, taught me unconsciously that I am worthy of love.
Now, I can finally laugh genuinely and chat with people like I am at my most authentic self without feeling restricted and uneasy.
I didn't know I had an unhealthy mindset until I got out of it.
I am writing this article to make a point. Our childhood can affect us so much as adults. If we are lucky enough, we get to heal up at some point in life. If not, we may carry the anger and grief without knowing most of our lives.
Why?
I recently spent some time with one of my close friends. She grew up in a similar family environment to mine, but probably worse. I am a very close friend who listens to her, and I can understand how she felt many times she shared her stories. Due to the distance, we became good friends over the phone.
Until I spent the whole day with her in person and saw "my old self" in her behaviours, she reacted to things with anger and withdrew her love from friends due to the boundaries. Not only to me but to many people around her, that anger kept coming up to her.
At the same time, she suppressed her emotions, but I could feel the air was filled with unspoken anger.
That was me.
If we experience enough love and know we are worthy of love, we won't be shaken easily by a simple act of boundary or even a simple mistake.
It is usual for human interactions to have a boundary. It is okay for people to draw a line and invite you or not to different personal spaces. We test the water and learn from it, but that doesn't mean our dear friends do not love us.
Boundary is not a rejection. We do not need to turn against our dear friends due to the boundaries and try to judge or pick on our friends due to the hurt we feel or create unnecessary rumours among them.
The boundary is not because we are not good enough or not loved; it is simply that our friends may need more time to cultivate a relationship with us to trust and reveal themselves.
Remember, we are all human. We all have sensitive spaces, and specific subjects can't be touched easily. Therefore, we always need to allow people to breathe.
By saying that, I still care and love my friend, and I would be her company if she needs me.
I want to contribute this article to my partner. He is my angel. If you are on the way to healing, I hope you meet someone who treats you with love and patience. If not, I hope my articles and love will heal you along the way.
Picture: Family picture with my partner and stepfather in Taiwan.