I read an anonymous post recently. A woman shared how hurt she felt because her boyfriend of a few months didn’t acknowledge her birthday. She had to keep reminding him, and even then, he remained distant and dismissive.
It’s a special feeling when someone we care about remembers and celebrates our birthday. Not just the date, but the meaning behind it, you matter, your existence is appreciated. For some, birthdays are a big deal. For others, not so much. A gentle reminder or two can help communicate what's important to us. But if someone truly values you, they’ll usually make the effort, because they want to, not because they were pushed.
The truth is, trying to change someone’s way of showing care often leads to more frustration than connection. And hoping that things will magically change after the relationship becomes more serious, like moving in together or getting married, rarely works. We don’t just commit to a future version of someone. We commit to who they are now.
Everyone gives and receives love differently. Some express love through words, others through time, gifts, touch, or acts of service. These are the five love languages, and understanding them is key. If your love language is celebrating special moments and theirs is quiet acts of service, you might end up feeling unseen, even if they think they’re showing love.
We either accept the way someone loves us, or we acknowledge that we need a partner whose way of loving more closely mirrors our own. There is no right or wrong, just compatibility and communication.
I’ve written more about different kinds of values and how they affect our relationships in my upcoming book From Ugly to Beautiful Without Surgery. Because understanding what truly matters to us is the first step to building a relationship that feels right.
So instead of wishing someone would become more attentive, it may be better to ask: Is this person already showing the kind of care that feels natural and fulfilling to me? If remembering your birthday feels like a chore to them, maybe it’s not just about the birthday, it’s about what you value, and whether your values align.
In the end, you’re not asking for too much. You’re just asking for a love that speaks your language.
If this resonates, feel free to share it or tag someone who might need to hear this today.
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P.S. My upcoming book, #FromUglyToBeautifulWithoutSurgery, launches in 2025. It’s the result of over 10 years of personal and professional exploration into what true beauty really means. If you’ve ever felt not enough, this book is a heartfelt guide to rediscover your worth, no surgery, no filters, just truth. Join our global mission #YouAreBeautifulWithoutMakeUp
